I feel so confused and angry and sad and trapped. My whole body is aching, my brain is aching, my soul is aching. I don’t have a future, I don’t even have a present.
I just want pizza and ice cream and red wine and somebody who actually cares to cuddle up with and watch all of our favorite movies all night long. Is that really such a hard thing to find?
Most of all I want one person that I’m never going to have. Or maybe I’ve just built him up so much that I’m crazy in love with the idea of him. With my perception of him.
Even if I got him I’d probably become distant and lethargic and bored just like I always do.
He’s completely cut me out of his life and I still can’t stop thinking about him, even though I know that it’s hopeless and I’ll probably never see him again. Everyone’s coming back for reading week and there will be meet ups but I probably won’t be invited to any of them.
I’ve made so many mistakes.
I hate myself.